


I will Talk And Hollywood Will Listen

by lennongirl



Category: Actor RPF, Lord of the Rings RPF, Star Wars RPF
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Gossip based fic, Humor, Multi, Multimedia Fic, Very very crazy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:29:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lennongirl/pseuds/lennongirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing about Kevin’s obsessions is that they go as fast as they come. Sometimes, one goes and the next follows almost immediately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will Talk And Hollywood Will Listen

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mad, insane, completely crazy author stringing rumours, gossip and a few facts together. As you might notice, I had to do some more reasearch for this one. I hope I got the basics right, if you spot a major error, uhm, consider it AU from then on :P 
> 
> Written in June 2005.

_Kevin Spacey would call on the phone_  
 _But I'd be too busy_  
[Robbie Williams – _I will Talk And Hollywood Will Listen_ ]

 _A challenge Justin might face would be dealing with the ramifications of having his cell phone stolen when he went out at 4 o’clock one morning to innocently walk Harvey and ended up giving a mugger a blow job in a public park lavatory._  
[Randy Harrison, talking about possible plot lines for his _Queer as Folk_ character Justin]

 

The thing about Kevin Spacey is, once he’s laid eyes on someone, he’s likely to develop a small obsession with them. Not that he’d ever admit that – being obsessed is something weak people are, people who can’t help themselves, and Kevin is anything but. However, no matter what you want to call it, obsessive is the most suitable word to describe Kevin’s way of going after people. Although he would prefer to call it being slightly fixated, if anything.

One of Kevin’s past minor fixations was with Nicole Kidman. Not that he wanted her, at least not in that way – she is a woman after all, so, hello? No, Kevin didn’t want Nicole. He wanted to be Nicole.

He’d met her a couple of times, at the usual awards circus, Academy, Globes, you name it. He never paid much attention to her, though, because there was always Tom around, and Kevin tried to avoid people like Tom. People who thought they were better because they made dumb movies without any acting required. For Kevin, it was all about talent and dignity. And in his book, Tom possessed neither.

At the beginning of 2001, however, when Nicole and Tom announced their separation, Kevin saw the woman, really saw her, for the first time. Saw how she handled the break up. Saw her classy elegance, her understated behaviour, her dignity. Kevin envied Nicole for being what she was, a real lady, cool, yet not enough to be called arrogant. It was a kind of aura he’d love to have surrounding himself, the male version, of course. He wanted to become a Gentleman as much as Nicole was a Lady. 

The obsession, sorry, fixation, lasted for a few weeks only. During his research, Kevin learned things about Nicole he knew he would never be able to handle. Being Nicole meant being buddys with Russell Crowe and Ewan McGregor, and thinking of these men made Kevin shudder inwardly. As for Russell – Kevin had gotten more of him that he ever could have asked for during _L.A. Confidential_ , thank you very much. Russell was the anti-dignity, and Kevin had always felt dirty around him, in a very uncomfortable way. And he still couldn’t believe they’d given him an Oscar for _Gladiator_ , the very same Oscar he’d received a year prior for _American Beauty_. What on earth made some muscle play in the dirt comparable to Kevin’s own wonderful performance in Sam Mendes’ masterpiece? Kevin didn’t get it. As for McGregor, Kevin understood that Nicole had to be fun around her co-stars, especially while promoting a movie, most especially at Cannes. But clinging to this Scottish slut, who so desperately tried to draw attention by flashing every chance he got and who wasn’t even ashamed to attend public events in ridiculous make up, now, that was a bit too much. Maybe Nicole wasn’t as classy as he had thought. She definitely didn’t work as a role model for Kevin anymore, who spontaneously decided to dislike everything Australian. Like Nicole. Or Russell, who might not be a real Australian, but close enough. Time to move on.

The thing about Kevin’s obsessions is that they go as fast as they come. Sometimes, one goes and the next follows almost immediately.

Another thing about Kevin is, he likes his men to be boys. Not in a pervert, paedophile way, but in an older and much wiser man teaching a younger one everything he knows-way. And so it happens that, while he is still busy getting rid of the image of giggly Nicole and slutty Ewan, Kevin finds a new object of desire. Only this time, it isn’t someone he wants to become, it is someone he needs to have.

And that’s where our story begins.

 

*****

 

_Orlando_

One thing Orlando Bloom is certain of is that Morocco could never ever match New Zealand. New Zealand was gras and snow and wood and rain. Morocco is sand and dirt and heat and sweat. New Zealand was Viggo. Morocco is coffee.

As much as Orlando tries, he can’t really get comfortable. It is nobody’s fault in particular. The people on set are all nice and kind and very loveable, there is companionship and closeness, how couldn’t there be, after weeks of boot camp? But still. As much as he bonds with everyone, it just isn’t the same. Maybe he dwells too much on it. Maybe he should just let go and enjoy – what exactly? Oh yes, falling out of a helicopter. Right.

Orlando has called Viggo about a million times after Cannes, and he knows it is getting ridiculous. Viggo would never tell him so, of course. He would always be kind and nice and reassuring, saying things Orlando wants to hear, needs to hear, in his unique soothing voice, telling him not worry to go out and have fun. And sometimes, Viggo would call him on his own, ramble about paint stains and the unbelievable amount of noise a single bee could make if caught in a room you’re just about to sleep in and while you try to drift off, all your senses are focused on the buzzing only, and if you focus hard enough, it’s almost as if you could taste the bee, even thought you never tried one. Orlando would say that he hasn’t seen any bees in Morocco, only mosquitos, and he wasn’t keen on trying them. Viggo would laugh and say that he’d like to shoot in Morocco, too, maybe one day.

Viggo’s random calls are the reason Orlando has no need to be suspicious of his cell ringing on a random late afternoon in Morocco. He’s still on set, but almost done, enjoying a final break before a final take. While checking his messages – there are none – the mobile goes off and Orlando scans his surroundings to make sure it’s safe to accept the call. He sits down on some prop box and greets who he hopes is Viggo.

But it isn’t him, it’s Kevin Spacey, and Orlando hasn’t got the slightest clue why Kevin Spacey would call him on a random day in the middle of nowhere. Or where he got his number from to begin with. But it’s Kevin Spacey calling him, so Orlando is stunned at first, but also honoured, because, hasn’t this man won two Oscars? 

Kevin says something about getting together maybe, after Morocco, you know, maybe even working together? He says something about meeting up and having drinks and some fun. 

Orlando doesn’t say much at all, he chews his bottom lips and listens, still wondering where Kevin got his number from and why he’s calling him of all people. Maybe that’s the way things work in Hollywood? 

And then, the feeling of being honoured is quickly replaced by another one. There is something in Kevin’s voice, a strange timbre, and it makes Orlando feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t know this man, he has never met him, yet he knows he’s not keen on doing so. Orlando is a friendly person, he’s the type of guy who usually never judges people before he meets them. However, he’s also the kind of guy who trusts his instincts, and somewhere deep inside, a little voice tells him that no, he has no desire to meet or work with Kevin Spacey any time soon.

“I’m sorry, Mister Spacey,” he finally says once he gets the chance, “I feel honoured, but I am terribly busy at the moment. Maybe some other time?”

Kevin rambles on for some more minutes, talking about understanding and Orlando being a very desired actor these days and yes, they could and should reschedule and if Orlando would call him once the _Black Hawk Down_ shoot is over? Some more pleasantries are exchanged, and then, Kevin Spacey hangs up.

Orlando is deeply confused, not only because of the circumstances of the call, but also because of his reaction to it. Two time Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey wants to work with him, and he, Orlando Bloom, the boy from Canterbury whose recent job it is to fall out of a helicopter says no?

But he knows what he did was okay. Because Orlando knows that he never felt such a sudden antipathy against anyone before. He doesn’t know why, he just knows. It still leaves him confused, though. Orlando briefly considers calling Viggo and tell him all about it. Didn’t Viggo work with Spacey on this weird movie, something with a reptile title? Orlando is too confused to remember. What he remembers is that he called Viggo twice already today, the first time for a quick wake up phone sex session, the second to make sure Viggo would send him more tapes soon. Calling a third time because of Kevin Spacey seems out of line.

Orlando is so deep in thought, he almost doesn’t notice Ewan until the other man kicks his boot.

“Hey. You look like you’ve seen a ghost, mate.”

“I, uhm,” Orlando stammers, knowing he’s making a fool of himself, but it’s only Ewan, after all. Ewan would laugh, but it would be okay.

Ewan does indeed laugh. “Whatever,” he dismisses the topic. “Just wanting to let you know we’re back on in five.” He grins some more and walks over to the coffee maker, drinking about his tenth cup today.

Orlando gets up slowly and stretches his sore body, yawning a bit. A shower would be fine. He feels dirty, that’s nothing usual after a day of shooting. Only today, he feels even dirtier than he normally does. But well. One more take and he’s out of here. And can call Viggo and ask about Spacey. Maybe not. He hasn’t made up his mind yet.

Coffee sounds good.

Ewan is slurping and Orlando has to hold back a grin. And then he decides, why not ask Ewan?

“Have you ever worked with Kevin Spacey?”

“Huh? No. Why?”

Orlando shrugs. ‘Because I think he’s creepy?’ ‘Because he just called me and hit on me?’ ‘Because I can’t ask my boyfriend so you’ll have to do?’

“Just because. I was wondering.”

“Nah, haven’t worked with Spacey. I think he’s kinda creepy, to be honest.”

Orlando feels relieved, looks as if he’s not alone. His relief, however, fades fast when Ewan speaks up again.

“Why don’t you ask Viggo?”

“Huh? What?” Orlando can be paranoid if he wants. 

“He might know.” Ewan winks at him and pats him on the shoulder. “Relax, Orlando. Your secret is safe with me.”

Orlando nods absent mindedly, deciding to trust his instinct again and not too worry too much. At least not about Ewan. Now, Kevin – that’s a whole different story.

 

*****

 

Kevin doesn’t know why, but Orlando never calls him back. Instead, he gets himself a girlfriend. But Kevin Spacey is no fool, he’s been around long enough to know exactly what kind of girlfriend little Miss Bosworth is. And because he knows, he knows Orlando is more in need of him than he ever was. 

Kevin follows Orlando from a distance. He learns that Orlando is making a movie in Australia of all places. But he can’t blame the boy. Even the fact that Orlando next works with Johnny Depp, who is just another washed up anti-dignity kind of guy can’t put Kevin off. He knows all Orlando needs is him, to guide him, to show him, to make it right. It’s a pity Orlando never calls him, a pity for both of them. But Kevin is too proud and dignified to give it second go. Besides, Orlando might just be intimidated, and he doesn’t want to scare the boy away. No, he will wait for the golden opportunity, the one that will get him close to Orlando in a subtle way, as subtle and clever as only Kevin Spacey can manage.

Kevin finally comes up with a plan so perfect he is surprised his own genius. He casts Little Miss Make Believe for his new and very own masterpiece. Kate Bosworth will be the Sandra Dee to his Bobby Darin, and Orlando will get to know him as friend, mentor and who knows what else. Perfect. Kevin isn’t interested in Kate’s skills as an actress – _Beyond The Sea_ is his baby and will be a success no matter what. Because he is who he is, he’s Kevin Spacey, two times award winner and A list actor. He’s so famous, he’s even getting recognition in songs. Although he could do much better than getting props from Robbie Williams, who must be a fool, for why did he star in _De-Lovely_ when _Beyond The Sea_ would be so much better? Who would rather work with Kevin Kline than with Kevin Spacey? And who would sing a duet with Nicole Kidman after she sung with the disgusting Scot? No, being mentioned in a Robbie Williams song isn’t something to be proud of. Besides, the line reminds Kevin of Orlando’s dismissal. But still, it is proof of Kevin being a master who can make _Beyond The Sea_ a success. That is why he doesn’t need to worry about it. All he’s interested in is his genius behind the scenes plan.

For reasons completely unknown, his plan doesn’t work out as he’d hoped it would. Kate is beginning to annoy him quickly, her poor attempts of being classy make Kevin only pity her. She’s also one of the women who will start talking and never stop, and although she tells him a lot about Orlando, Kevin begins to doubt if she really knows him at all. Kate sounds more like one of the gossip rags she loves to appear in than a serious source. Kevin gets migraine and has to remind himself why he’s doing what he’s doing every second day or so.

Orlando doesn’t show up on set. Orlando is working, alright, but Kevin can’t help but wonder how he spends his free time – didn’t his agent teach him how these make believe relationships work? Instead, Kevin is stuck with Kate most of the time. The day shooting wraps is a very happy day for Kevin Spacey. And he knows he will meet eventually meet Orlando at a premiere. The boy can’t hide forever.

But then, something happens that catches Kevin off guard. No matter how perfect, even Kevin Spacey is only human and mistakes can occur at all times. Maybe he should’ve been more careful. Maybe he should stop it altogether. But he’s a man after all, he’s got needs, and the boy was so very tempting, with lips to die for. Kevin had hoped he’d get off quickly and that the satisfaction would last a few days. Instead, the little fucker attacks him after some fumbling and licking, he fucking dares to attack him and – Kevin still can’t believe it – steals his mobile. The mobile with all his numbers, including many other pretty boys with lips to die for and, of course, Orlando’s.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, Kevin makes another mistake, filing a complaint. There is no real explanation for this ridiculous action that makes his little night time adventure the talk of the day. It is one of the very rare occasions Kevin feels lost. [He says something about his dog, because, doesn’t everybody love dogs?](http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/04/19/spacey.london/index.html)

He decides he needs to get out of London and heads off to Cannes.

 

*****

 

_Eric_

Eric has made himself promise to take care of Orlando in Cannes. He knows what the boy’s going through at the moment, and he knows what might be awaiting him in Cannes. Orlando never said anything, but Eric knows anyway. Cannes is not only _Troy_ , it’s also _Beyond The Sea_ , which is Kate, and Eric knows that Orlando has never really gotten comfortable with public displays of himself and his, well, supposed girlfriend. Eric also knows that it’s Orlando second time in Cannes. He knows that the first time was very special to him, he was with Viggo back then, and very happy. Eric wants Orlando to be happy again, not only because of _Troy_ but the boy himself, Orlando deserves to be happy. Orlando hasn’t told him any of that. But Eric is no fool. And he’ll be damned if he let anything or anyone ruin Cannes for Orlando. Shooting might be long over, but Orlando is still his little brother.

Eric knows he is doing a good job. Orlando is excited and bouncy, he is radiating joy and happiness, just the way he should be. It makes life easy for Eric. 

Things are fine until – that party. Eric is not sure what he’s doing there in the first place. It was Brad’s idea, and Brad had no trouble talking Orlando into it, which meant Eric had to go, too. So that’s where he is, standing next to a beer bar, sipping a drink that’s way too warm for his taste, observing Brad and Orlando. They’re both slightly drunk already and mock everyone who’s passing them by in safe distance. Eric feels like the older brother of both of them, never minding the fact that Brad is a few years his senior. But well, as long as they’re having fun, everything’s fine.

Eric watches Orlando grinning and relaxes further. And then, suddenly, Brad calls out for someone, and Orlando’s expression changes within an instant. Eric twists his head and follows Orlando’s shocked gaze, he scans the crowd for someone who could scare the boy, and he has no idea who to look out for at first.

“Mister Doe!” Brad calls out again, and suddenly he’s being hugged by Kevin Spacey and Eric frowns for a moment, because Orlando still looks like a scared child being molested by the Dark Man, and Eric has no idea _why_. And then, he remembers. Spacey. Bosworth. _Of course_. No wonder Orlando freaked. He surely is aware of another publicity stunt waiting for him just around the corner. Any moment, Kevin might suggest to walk ‘somewhere over there, there’s Kate,’ and no. Eric has to avoid that.

He steps closer to the trio, Kevin and Brad are still all over each other. Orlando eyes them anxiously. Eventually, Kevin lets go of Brad.

“You know Orlando?” Brad asks, innocently and drunk and not knowing what is really going on. Eric decides to wait for the perfect moment to interfere.

“Of course I know Orlando,” Kevin says, and Eric can tell he’s drunk, too, and he doesn’t like it. For some strange reason, he also doesn’t like the way Kevin looks at Orlando, it reminds him of a predator seizing up its prey. 

“Although I suspect Orlando has forgotten about me,” Kevin rambles on. And Eric wonders what this is about. But there’s no time to dwell on it, for Orlando is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second and Eric feels for him and needs to do something.

“Uhm Brad, Kevin? Would you excuse us for a moment?”

He takes Orlando’s arm and tries to drag him away, but there’s a hand on his shoulder stopping him. 

“Eric Bana, so nice to meet you. And well, I am not sure I can excuse he two of you right now.” Kevin grins at him and Eric would love to punch him. Brad says nothing, just watches the scene with an amused glint in his eyes.

“Well then, I’m sorry, but we need to go.” Eric hopes he sounds final enough. And yes, Kevin lets go off him.

“Not very nice, I must say. Then again, you’re Australian, aren’t you?”

Eric shakes his head, not sure what to make of that comment. He decides to let go and smile politely and Hollywood-like. “Yeah… I can’t deny my heritage. Sorry. Nice to met you.”

“Thank you,” is what Orlando whispers in his ear as soon as they’re outside. 

Eric silences him with a wave of his hand. “Not for that. That is one freaky guy for sure. Let’s get back to the hotel.”

Orlando nods and yawns and Eric knows he did well. 

 

*****

Kevin files the Cannes flop under ‘memories to not go back to.’ He wasn’t prepared to meet Orlando, not at that shitty party, and not in company of that Australian hulk. He will do better next time. Besides, he has other things to worry about. Like this gay television guy who dares to make fun of him and the most unfortunate park incident. Kevin eventually decides to ignore the snark. That’s what things are like if you’re famous and people envy you and your talent: they try to make you look bad. Kevin is above such things.

Next time he meets Orlando is in November in L.A., and Orlando did finally listen to his agent and attends the _Beyond The Sea_ premiere. Good boy. Only, maybe he listens too hard this time. Kevin gets a few pictures taken with him, but then Orlando sticks to Kate the whole evening, and Kevin is too distracted by people praising him, the movie and his genius in general to come up with a good excuse to catch Orlando in private. The fact that Orlando isn’t the relatively unknown boy he could call in Morocco after flirting the heck out of his assistant anymore doesn’t help much, either. There are cameras everywhere, they are focused on Orlando and Kate, and Kevin has become more careful since the park incident. He cannot risk his reputation and dignity again just because he’s too horny too care. And so the night passes on and Orlando eventually leaves. And for the first time ever, Kevin begins to wonder if it might be the time to move on. The London premiere isn’t much different, and Kevin wonders some more. The whole Orlando fixation is getting boring, and it’s leading nowhere.

A few months later, after Kevin found out that getting props in a Robbie Williams might not be the worst thing that could happen (for example, getting props in a Justin Timberlake song could be worse, because at least Robbie has not turned him down, yet), he heads off to Cannes again. He can’t help it, he’s addicted. Maybe Orlando is, too.

Orlando is not in Cannes, but Viggo is. Kevin knows Viggo and Orlando are close, although he refuses to think about how close exactly. All he knows is that he respects Viggo more than most people. Viggo may be a bit weird and cranky, but he’s got talent and still manages to keep his dignity besides all the freaky things he’s doing. 

Kevin sees Viggo kiss Cronenberg and wonders why Viggo never kissed him when he was his director on _Albino Alligator_.

Kevin thinks that referring to that kiss is a fun and witty pick up line when he meets Viggo later that evening.

But Viggo isn’t impressed. Kevin quickly decides that the pirate look doesn’t become Viggo and wonders why he made the effort to talk to him at all. They have some serious and polite conversation, but Kevin is getting bored. And Viggo doesn’t even mention Orlando. Instead, he talks about communicating with horses. 

“Viggo, it was so nice meeting you again. Give me a call, will you?” Kevin tries to get away eventually. Viggo smiles at him and Kevin thinks he’s made it. The strong hug Viggo pulls him into catches him off guard.

“You know, Kevin, sometimes, it’s time to move on.” Viggo’s voice is dark and low and close to his ear and it doesn’t sound friendly at all. Kevin wonders if it’s Viggo’s weird way of apologising they lost touch.

“Hey, Viggo, no worries. We all know business, and you are…” he tries, but Viggo cuts him off.

“No. You. Your time to move on.”

And Viggo pats him on the back and gives him a stare and Kevin knows that no, he doesn’t need Viggo Mortensen as enemy.

“Sure, Viggo, I already did,” is all he manages before he stumbles off. 

Kevin has a few drinks and thinks about Viggo. He doesn’t know why he’s so confused – he’s Kevin Spacey, who the fuck is Viggo Mortensen? Still, Kevin has a bad feeling about the encounter. It must lead back to Orlando, Kevin decides, he can’t think any other reason. And well, if Orlando Bloom would rather take advice from one Viggo Mortensen than from Kevin Spacey, maybe he can’t be helped. It’s not as if Kevin hasn’t tried enough. Yes, he thinks, Viggo is right. Time to move on.

Only, where to?

Kevin goes to a random post premiere party, has a few drinks and scans the room.

_There…_

 

*****

 

_Hayden_

Hayden curses himself for one drink too many. Maybe two. Either way, it’s been a bit too much alcohol for him to think straight and that’s what he really needs to do right now. He needs to come up with a good and valid reason to excuse himself and get away from this woman - Eva – who’s currently trying to wrap her legs around his. Problem is, her dress is way too short for such artistic exercises, and Hayden doesn’t really want to know whether she’s wearing panties or not, because ew. Eva, however, is about to show him, and Hayden needs to get away, now. He looks around for Natalie, George, Billy, anyone, and why is Ewan rehearsing for a musical instead of helping him out?

Hayden’s train of thoughts comes to a halt because of several flashlights, and he has to smile some more. He’s not sure he wants to see any of those pics. He probably looks like Eva’s drunken toy boy. Which he might become, fast, if his mind won’t come up with a good excuse any time soon.

The excuse offers itself in form of a man in white.

“Well, hello, if that isn’t Mister Skywalker,” the man says, and Hayden realises two time Oscar winner Kevin Spacey is talking to _him_.

“Uhm, hello, Mister…” and Hayden hesitates for a moment, because he can’t think of any of Kevin’s character’s names. All he remembers is that Kevin once played the guy who jerked off in a shower, but that’s not a nice way of greeting people you don’t know. Besides, Hayden was the guy who jerked off in closet with a rope around his neck, and he doesn’t feel like discussing that, not with Kevin Spacey leaning in close and with Eva Longoria still clamping her legs around him.

“Mister Spacey,” he finally finishes, flashing what he hopes is a cute and apologetic smile.

It works, at least for Eva, who shrieks a bit and pinches his cheek. Kevin watches them amused before he takes Hayden’s hand and pulls him to his feet. It happens so suddenly that Hayden needs to reach for Kevin to balance himself. The moment is gone but Kevin still clings to him, and Hayden isn’t sure what to do. 

“If you’d excuse us, Miss,” Kevin eventually says and next thing Hayden knows, he’s being dragged across the room by the two time Oscar winner himself. At first, Hayden is relieved. He got away from Eva and her long legs. 

But…

Hayden realises Kevin is still holding his hand while he walks with him across the room, pointing out people and whispering names. Hayden can’t possibly follow the fast mentions of “director, producer, financier, mark that face, forget this slut, never to talk to him,” that Kevin pours all over him. He feels dizzy and uncomfortable, and Kevin’s palm is sweaty and Hayden really doesn’t want Kevin Spacey to touch him anymore.

Suddenly, Hayden gets hit by a wave of fresh air. The buzzing of voices has faded, and Hayden notices Kevin has dragged him outside, onto a badly lit patio. But he still hasn’t let go off his hand.

“Mister Spacey…”

“Please. Kevin.”

“Kevin… I really think I should…” Hayden has no idea what he wants to say. All he knows it that he doesn’t want to stand on a badly lit patio with Kevin Spacey. He wants to go back inside, join the people. Eva, even.

“Hayden. I thought you and me, we could meet sometime? Maybe even work together. Have some drinks, some fun, you know.”

The last words are being uttered dangerously close to Hayden’s face, and when Hayden feels Kevin Spacey pushing one of his locks behind his ear, it’s like somebody poured a bucket of ice water over his head. Hayden tenses all his muscles and almost jumps.

“Uhm, Mister Spacey, Kevin,” he says once he feels distant enough to be safe, “I feel honoured, but I am terribly busy at the moment. Maybe some other time?” 

And then, something really weird happens. Kevin Spacey looks at Hayden, very sad and lonely, and Hayden thinks he might start crying any moment. It must be the alcohol, he thinks, there can’t be any other explanation. And Hayden knows he can handle a lot, but he’s also had his share of drinks, and he is in not shape to handle a drunk, sad and possibly groping Kevin Spacey right now. He mumbles a quick apology and stumbles back inside, intending not to leave Eva’s side for the rest of the night. 

 

*****

 

_Ewan_

It’s way too early for any kind of noise to wake Ewan, but it’s his private phone and who knows what has happened now. He reaches for the mobile on the floor and checks the caller ID.

Hayden. What now.

Ewan sighs and shakes his head before he answers.

“Can’t wait until tonight? How’s France?”

“Ewan.”

It’s all that Hayden says, but it’s enough. Ewan knows something’s wrong. He sits up and shakes his head again, trying to get it as clear as possible. He knows Cannes, he knows what could happen in Cannes, and he’s beginning to worry, although he’d sworn to himself not to. Because Hayden’s a big boy and can take care of himself. And he, Ewan, is nothing more than a good mate. And occasional lover, but that’s got nothing to do with that. It’s not important at all. Absolutely not.

“What’s wrong, Hayden?”

“Ewan… have you ever worked with Kevin Spacey?”

Ewan needs a moment for the question to register. “Wait, Hayden, wait. Didn’t you already ask me the same question before?”

“The fuck, Ewan? I just met that man last night!” Hayden is shouting, he sounds aggravated, and Ewan is really lost for a moment. He doesn’t know why this all seems so familiar and why does he suddenly feel as if he’s smelling coffee?

“Hayden, what…” It must be a déjà vu.

“Ewan, do you know this guy or what?”

“No, I don’t.”

“He groped me last night. He tried to hit on me, and then he almost cried when I rejected him. To get away from him, I almost had to make out with a woman! Ewan! This is serious!”

While Hayden whines, Ewan suddenly remembers. And he can’t help it, he has to laugh.

“Ewan, that’s not funny. Stop laughing.”

But Ewan can’t. “You… you…,” he manages between giggles, “you should’ve asked Viggo.”

“Viggo? Mortensen? What’s he got to do with any of this? Ewan! Why didn’t you tell me what a freak this Spacey guy is?”

“I told you I don’t know him! I just think he’s creepy, is all.”

“Then what’s to laugh about my misery?”

“I will tell you tonight, promise. All you need to know is that you’re not alone.”

The answer doesn’t seem to satisfy Hayden, and Ewan can understand it. But it’s so fucking funny. He eventually calms Hayden down by whispering some naughty things into his ear, things he knows Hayden likes and will get off on before the call is over. Once it actually is over, Ewan calls his agent and asks for Kevin Spacey’s contact address. He’s going to write the man a letter, asking him politely to stay the fuck away from young pretty boys outside of public parks.

Maybe he can get Viggo to sign, too.

 

~OMG, the end~


End file.
